Talk:The Warrior's Beginning (original version)/@comment-2142396-20190104140044
Haha, I'm catching up on this story slowly but surely - I finished chapter 15, so it's time to comment again. At this stage, Brek's plotline is the one that I'm most invested in, partly because Brek is just an enjoyable character to follow in his youthful naivety, partly because it allows us to revisit FWC characters like Gingivere and Whegg and see the tensions rise in Marshank with Verdauga's arrival. It was a neat plot twist that Gingivere and Whegg picked Brek to be the prince’s personal slave to keep him from harm, as it would’ve been too easy for Brek to just disappear from the slave compound the moment Badrang remembered that he knows too much. Though Brek’s behaviour confuses me from time to time – I mean, one moment he’s afraid to take a step out of the line for the fear of being killed on spot, and then he is comfortable enough to sit at the same table with his masters? I can understand that Gingivere and Whegg treat him nicely, but Brek knows that they are willing to behead their own guards for relatively minor offence, so I would’ve expect him to be more wary of them. Ah, and I'm so impressed and intrigued by your portrayal of Verdauga! I dare say that his image there is very close to how BJ wrote his character, at least during his younger days – a fearsome warrior and ferocious warlord that nonetheless doesn't display needless cruelty. And if what Eostre's mother says about Verdauga founding castles in the north and recruiting vermin shunned by woodlanders is true, then the woodlanders created their own demise by refusing to accept vermin, thus giving them no real purpose in life but to follow Verdauga. Villain or not, he is a remarkable character for sure! Gingivere wasn’t what I expected, though, and it was quite a surprise to see him acting so aloof and, well, snooty. Though I also got an impression that Gingivere was only putting on a mask of indifference and arrogance to hide his true feelings, that he was acting the role of a mighty prince that he was supposed to be in order not to shame his father’s name. Gingivere is definitely more at easy when communicating with Whegg, though I can see that he isn’t exactly free from a conqueror’s mindset, like when he can't comprehend that Brek's family didn't hold slaves. I was a little confused when the story returned to Salley and her friends, and for a moment I even thought that I missed something. When we last saw them, Salley and the others were staying with the otters, and in the next chapter they already were on some kind of quest to find the dragons that Saor apparently sent them on. I did figure it out in the end, but I think it would've been easier if there were a smoother transition between the episodes. And while Eostre was totally adorable, I was baffled by how small the dragons’ role turned out to be. Though I guess there is a chance that Eostre’s mother (who lacks a name at this point, if I’m not mistaken) could join in the final battle with Badrang, providing that Salley gathers enough fighters to make an army. Then again, if Badrang or his soldiers managed to kill Eostre’s father, then even a dragon is not a threat to them… Btw, Eostre’s ability to turn invisible is an interesting addition to your lore – is this the trait of ‘light’ dragons or ‘dark’ dragons? Come to think of it, I could totally imagine the light dragons’ scales reflecting and bending light in such a way makes the dragon hard to see… Haha, Dancer always knows how to lighten the mood - the episode where she learns that she’s a unicorn was hilarious! I actually expected her to be delighted at finding out that she is a unicorn, not to lament the loss of her beauty. :D Dancer also says that she doesn’t know who her real parents were, but since she calls Lightingflash her father, I guess she knows that she’s adopted? Because as far as I remember, no such mention was made in the story’s first draft, so in any case that was a nice detail to add. OMG, at this point I'm truly amazed that not only Salley and the others traveled with Luna for weeks without realizing that she is blind, but also Luna went flying with Salley and Rose for almost a week and they still don't know of her blindness! O_o Lol, I think when they do learn of it, Salley is going to have a heart attack – imagine learning that your taxi driver is blind while you're in the middle of a busy highway? :D But Luna's abilities to orient herself without her sight are pretty uncanny, even with her heightened senses of hearing and smell, and even though Luna asked Salley to give her directions when in the air, she still was able to find the cliff to dive from by herself, and then she landed on her own after taking Groddil and Tynek to the dragons. I guess there are ways for Luna to orient herself in the air without sight – for example, wind breaking against cliffs would sound differently from wind passing through trees, - but I wouldn't be surprised if Luna had some kind of sixth sense or spiritual sight similar to Xzaris's. Also, I'm curious how exactly is Luna capable of communicating with Groddil at distance – is it something all pegasi can do or is this ability has to do with her and Groddil being Prophets instead? And is there any limit to its use, like the distance between them? I imagine it's quite a useful skill nonetheless, and it can be very valuable from tactical point of view. ;P It's ironic how this story's plot develops in circles from one version to another. In 'Martin the Warrior', Rose and Grumm come to Marshank to save Brome. In your first rewrite, Salley and Rose come to fight Badrang for different reasons entirely. And now in your second rewrite, Brek is again captured by Badrang, and while Salley was going to gather the army regardless, the news of his capture is what turns the course of the story, as they cause Salley to drop everything and rush back to Evenglade, as well as make her even more determined to fight Badrang. Btw, it was interesting to see Jasper being so emotional, since he is usually indifferent to almost everything – but not when it's about his sister. Speaking about sisters, the argument between Salley and Rose made me relate to both sides, as well as making me wonder if Tynek is aware of Rose's feelings. She so readily declares that they are in love, but we never saw how he feels about her, and I suspect that while Tynek may like her, at this stage of their relationship he is more confused than anything. However, it's also true that Salley didn't even attempt to get to know Tynek, so she can't speak as if she knows him, and she even assumes that Ty is hiding something or that he may use Rose. Yes, I understand that Salley wants to protect her sister, but she effectively disregards Rose's feelings as she does so. So yeah, I'm mostly on Rose's side there. Oh jeez, I certainly wouldn't want to be in Urran and Aryah's place... To lose all your children only to have your daughters return with the news that your son is taken prisoner and probably dead, and then having to choose between abandoning your son to sure death and risking the rest of your family killed in the attempt while there is a chance it may be too late to save your son anyway... I don't agree with Urran's decision not to act, but I can understand him and feel his pain. After that, Salley declaring that she was meant to be queen and that she was going to gather an army must have been like a punch in the gut for him. Ah, and Salley’s confrontation with Roderick was so satisfying! I would’ve liked to see Roderick punched in the face so that he could see just how ‘weak’ exactly Salley is, but her declaring that he is simply not worth her attention was even better. Really, after facing Necromancers and Greeneyes soldiers and dragons, Roderick seems like just a nuisance. Hmm, by the way, how many times had Roderick told Salley ‘you’re just a girl, you’ll always be a worthless girl’? It seems to me at this point that the main reason he can’t stand Salley is because she is a girl who doesn’t behave as a girl should, and that makes me wonder what exactly caused him to have such disdain toward females. And since you mentioned that his father and brothers were killed by Verdauga’s soldiers, making him and his mother the only surviving members of his family, I keep thinking that this is where this disdain may be coming from – what if Roderick blames his mother for being weak and failing to save the rest of their family, so he vents this hate on others? I know I'm probably overthinking things, and sometimes people don't need a complex reason to behave as jerks, but I just couldn't help noticing this detail.